Sorry Is Not Enough

by Brian Clement

All too often we use the word “sorry” to diffuse use the immediate occurrence. Unfortunately, most of the time that we utter this word it is disingenuous, becoming systematically robotic. When somebody pushes back, we purge with the “s” word. What this achieves is nothing good and only adds fuel to the deeply suppressed, unconquered, issues from the past. These hostile memories raise their ugly head on an on-going basis until we are ready and willing to dismiss them by genuinely acknowledging their teaching. All of us, myself included, often brush things aside rather than taking the time to address them straight on. Time and again we recycle this pattern and, quite often, refuse to resolve it. This is not a cyclical process that is there to annoy you, but a brilliant teaching begging you to learn. Respecting the possibilities that this lesson will bring by embracing the event, either comfortably or uncomfortably, certainly enriches your conscious reserves, fueling a smoother future. Forgiveness is the grown-up in the room that requires thought and demands respect. Being sorry is the bully that is unwilling to recognize it has created the problem. Do we want to live in the fog or the brilliant sunlight?

Relevant to this is the fact that forgiving is one of the most genuine gifts you can share with someone. Years ago, I received a call from a man who spoke about his younger brother that he had not talked to in 10 years. Inquiring why there was this discourse, he shared that when the brothers had been working together, the younger brother had cheated him one day, then he abruptly said, “But I love him and want to help him because he is now sick!” I asked if his brother knew that he cared so much and he said, “No, I do not want to talk to him.”

Changing the conversation, I finally came around to proposing that maybe his illness stemmed from a broken heart and abandonment from a brother who looked up to him. Dead silence stilled the room; tears came to his eyes and he said “I’m also sad and sick.” Proposing that we have a meeting together, he let go and said he would love it. Together, they went through the Hippocrates, Life Transformation Program and, on a daily basis, it was clear to see that their unwarranted estrangement had literally rendered both men emotionally and physically ill.

People tend to linger in the memories of the past since they fear the future. Their reduced perception is due to the closing of their hearts via perceived burdens. All too often they try to resolve these issues with conventional psychiatry or medicine. At best, this veils the issue driving it deeper into their core. We are creatures of need and our greatest need is to love and to be loved. Deflecting from this drive abolishes the strength and integrity of truth. Forceful expression of sincere forgiveness is our greatest ally in life’s abundance.

Do not blame others for your creations; create perpetual power by switching on your release valve. Tai chi was born as a martial art for wars of yonder years. Until recently, soldiers would adorn themselves with heavy metal armor and systematically, in a line, rapidly run toward their foes in an open eld. Inevitably, the weight of this protection combined with the laborious effort the soldiers underwent often caused them to fall. The Tai chi warriors realized that if they moved rapidly out of the way of these soldiers that they would not have physical contact and the warrior would not only fall, but eventually, become exhausted and give up. This little story may help you in understanding why letting go is much more powerful than fighting. The ultimate shield is to succumb to the humbleness of forgiveness.

Living in Oregon in the seventies in a small cabin about two miles from another person, I needed to heat my home with wood. Soon, I learned how to use an axe and a manual saw and it often took all of my might to heat my abode. One day, as I was talking with a local telling how I had to saw wood for hours each day, he asked if I had ever used a chainsaw. Fibbing, I said, “Yes!” He handed me one and o I went. What a revelation I had the following day when it only took one hour, rather than four, to knock down the old, dead trees.

Two weeks later, I expressed how happy I was for his generosity and concern and shared that I had cut my work down by three quarters. He suggested that I must have enough wood for all the homes in this valley and I replied, no, just enough for mine! He asked how I was using the saw and when I explained, he asked if I knew that you need to sharpen the blade and put oil on the saw? Seemingly, he saw right through me and realized this chainsaw was a new experience for me. My perception was I had gone from four hours to one hour which was a great improvement and far less laborious. If I had only been open to ask him how to use the chainsaw, my hour of work could have been achieved in only 5 minutes.

I’ll always remember him looking at me, smiling and saying, “I forgive you for fibbing, but you’ll have to forgive yourself for wanting to do more work than you should have!” Needless to say, once I let go, I was able, willing and ready to learn. When pretending to be something that you are not, it always prevents you from being the best you. Forgiveness is not only something that has to do with your emotional state, this genuine act of compassion can reduce body burdens, spiritual anchors and unhappy lives. The burning, heartfelt passion of release is the magnificent bell that rings diminishing emptiness. When one lets go, they can be filled. When one is filled, they become whole. When one is whole they become happy and when you’re happy, you are living the way you were meant to live.