The Gift of Presence

We are all power plants with enough life force to fulfill our own energetic needs and still have enough for relationships with others. In a perfect world, each of us would be a cup that flows over, spreading and mixing our lives with others. Unfortunately, most of us tend to be nearly empty vessels that relentlessly search for power sources outside ourselves, particularly our partners and our children. This reality has created a great disparity in the area of family and other relationships.

When we have a deficit of vitality, it often seems as if we try to mine it from others. I cannot count how many of those I have counseled who have said, "When I went into the relationship, I thought that this person would make my life better."

The reason that these relationships do not work is because when one requires constant maintenance, an inequity surfaces and the desired harmonious balance disappears. This is compounded when both partners are lacking. Ideally, two people entering a relationship have developed their own strength and health independently and are not looking for the other to "complete" them.

This not only occurs with families and friends, but also in work relationships. All too often, employees complain about how much they dislike their job. They do not recognize that it is up to them to make the situation better; or if not, to find an enriching occupation

Participation in our accumulation of happiness is one of our central reasons to live. This is not an abstract idea without merit but a rational and practical reality As we develop our own inner security and trust, our confidence levels rise and our potential increases. When we advance ourselves to a place of courageous action, our existence flourishes due to our burgeoning acknowledgements. Selfesteem can bloom into charisma, which gives us the energy that can be shared with our intimate and less intimate circles.

When one is distressed due to disharmonious interaction, a physical impact can be felt This drains our energy and is counter productive to the individual and those involved with him /her. It is best that we develop a strong core belief from our gathered experiences and remain open to constant change. Rigidity surely whittles down one's vitality.

Recently, in the aftermath of a hurricane, I noticed that the largest foliage and highest buildings were toppled over .The structures that allowed the raging winds to move through or around them stood tall after the storm subsided. Conflicts are like hurricanes. They can bring down the best of us due to our own inflexibility, which is caused by deep insecurity.

Family is of foremost importance, since there is often no one who will stand with and support you in your most troubled times except family. Ironically, most abuse, disharmony, and even criminal activity occur within families.

This does not -reflect the average household, but spotlights the disconnection that some people have to the essential understanding that family is the most important connection in your life. No other area in our lives can cause so much emotional satisfaction - or emotional stress. Relationships can be challenging, and no relationship is more challenging than farmily Ekhart Tolle once said "If you dunk you are enlightened spend a week with your family." It is amazing how the most "together" people suddenly revert to childish patterns when they are around their family.

In our culture, marriage is at a critical crossroad, and the vast majority of couples separate. Staying together, however, does not necessarily demonstrate success. Recent polls show that less than ten percent of married couples are happy in their relationship.

As researchers direct more attention towards psychosocial variables that affect physical health, the way they study relationships is shifting. Previously, researchers examined relationship status (i.e., the presence of relation  ships versus a lack of relationships) in relation to physical health. More recently, research investigations are focusing on specific qualities of relationships that might be associated with physical health.

Understanding how social support affects health and, in particular, which characteristics of social support affect health, is currently receiving a lot of attention. Being married, for example, does not guarantee happiness nor the superior health benefits and longevity previously associated with simply being married.

Statistics show that unhappy parents beget unhappy children. Children and young adults today are more obese, more addicted, and more confused than any generation before. Most parents spend all of their time pursuing economic success, ignoring their families in the process. In North America alone, there are over two million grandparents raising their grand children due to the incompetence of their own children as parents.

Television and teachers have seemingly taken the place of overworked parents. Our educational systems, however, leave a lot to be desired. Overcrowded classrooms and violence among students are issues of great concern, and the situation seems to be growing worse, not better.

We are now drugging our active children as a treatment for so-called "emotional disorders." Rather than deal with the emotionally disturbed children that come from our disharmonious broken homes, we use prescription drugs as a quick fix.

All of these problems stem back to our own inability to do what is best for ourselves and our children. When our core character is unshakable we are contributors to the human race. When we waver or wander or change like the wind, we drain not only ourselves, but also humanity.

Listed below are simple steps to create stronger families, friends and work relations:

1. Search for stimulation first within yourself, and then within the circle of your family and friends, rather than seeking it from external sources. Tune spent together enjoying each other, supporting each other, and honoring each other will enrich your lives.

2. Make time for your family and friends. Spending quality time with your children will ensure that they are well adjusted and content

3. Develop strong bonds with your parents, grandparents, and children, so that trust will manifest Stability will come from this simple act This nucleus will enable you to step out of the family system and develop further relationships with those you meet throughout your life.

4. Reach out and touch someone. Statistics show that having a network of family and friends who you contact on a regular basis actually increases your life expectancy.

5. Realize that each person has a unique viewpoint based on their individual experiences. Try not to judge opinions that are different from your own.

6. Try to be truly "present" when listening to others. Presence is a gift that you can give to others that is truly appreciated. Often a person feels better just by feeling that they were "heard."

7.  And finally, learn to accept critique and criticism from those closest to you. This often difficult process will bring great rewards when you learn to synthesize those bumpy spots into graceful living.

Vitality will occur when we have the confidence to live our life like a masterful craftsman. You will gain energy if you create priorities that you must meet with forthright action. You can create the bridge that will bond you to the people in your home, at your work place, and on the planet once you become whole within yourself.