Time to Love, Time to Forgive

When asked what the most favorite time of the year is for you, many of my clients over the years identified it as the Christmas time or the Holiday time of Christmas and Hanukkah. However, many have also identified the same time as the most difficult time of the year also. How come?

It is a joyful time. We meet with family and friends in a festive context. We give gifts and receive gifts. It is time to give and time to be generous. It is such a pleasure watching children opening our gifts with excitement! It is a pleasure friends letting us know that they enjoy who we are and what we do. But this is the time we are also anxious to know if our gift was adequate or was appreciated.   It is the time to realize who does not really appreciate our gifts or our love. It is the time to remember who used to give us joy and who we miss currently due to death or falling off. Some of the suggestions below are some tips to get us through with less stress.

1. If you miss someone due to death or to a move: it is a good idea to write to speak about that person celebrating their lives. If it is a family member you may speak or write to other family members illustrating how you were personally affected by that person. If you miss a colleague speak to other colleagues illustrating how much you appreciated the person using concrete examples and stories. If it is a friend that you miss, speak to other friends and help them revive their positive memories. Even though you miss someone you loved, your efforts will make it a happy experience.
2. If you miss someone’s love because the person is no longer cares about you or because you had a fight with or so: It is a good idea to reconcile with that person. The anger may be caused by the experience of feeling betrayed or being neglected. Whatever be the reason, anger is painful. Like the great Buddha once said, “ You will not be punished for your anger, but you will be punished by your anger.” If you believe you can reconcile with that person through a phone call or an email, sure, that is the first step you can take. If you believe you need a third person’s help to reconcile that is what you might choose. If you feel that a symbolic gift could help the reconciliation, which is what you might try.
3. If you feel someone hates you, and that you feel the negative energy from the person: what matters is your awareness that you are hated by someone, and therefore, you want to be at least tolerated if not liked by the person. The awareness that someone is angry towards you or that you have animosity towards someone is certainly, stressful.   It is better that we take the initiative to break the ice than to wait for the other to act first. Only by forgiving the person first, you will be able even to start the reconciliation process.   We may well keep in mind that if we take initiative to forgive we are at an advantage: only a person who is spiritually “superior” can really forgive someone unconditionally.

It is the time to love, time to forgive, time to repair, time to renew – with the new year!

Antony Chatham